Move Or No

Moving on—I figure—is easy. Distracting ourselves from what used to be an issue of the past is somehow easy if we’re busy, when our friends are around or when we have something to do at the moment. What’s hard is staying moved on. It’s those meaningful lyrics, one-strike-memories or those flashback-burns that really get to us. People change but your feelings remained. Forgiving is not an instant delete button, where everything will disappear by a single word— ‘sorry.’

It’s so hard to risk of going to the same situation when it had caused you so much pain: to start over a relationship, to break-up with someone, to forget a loved one, being separated, to deal with losses or changes. Sometimes it’s a matter of ‘accepting’ or ‘adjusting’ with things because we have no other choice, isn’t it? Because no matter how hard we do or try or wish with all our might, it happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. The possibility is endless, if we talked about what could have, would have or should have happened.

Overthinking.

I don’t need to see you every day. I don’t need to receive your texts every time. I don’t need to hear the phone ringing from you all the time. But you need to know, I’m not a mind reader. I need to know that I’m on your mind, because honestly, you’re always on mine. I just miss you, that’s all. 

I used to be so strong, now I cry so much, I don’t evenknow what’s wrong. It was bullshit after bullshit after bullshit, we just argue and it hurts me. I feel like I’m dying inside. Little by little. I feel numb.

I know I’m not perfect… But I love you, with all my heart, I do. I guess I’m not as tough. Or at least, I thought I was enough.